Minefield English Language

Writing is a nice thing to do. It is also a dangerous thing to do. The English language is a minefield. Things are used that aren't really words at all, but somehow are in the process of becoming words. There are plurals that look like singulars, there are singulars that look like plurals. And then there is a plural or two relating to a singular you wouldn't have dreamed of associating with each other.

Does this sound frightening? It is, if you are an English teacher or student and have to get it right at all cost. As a writer, you have more leeway in that. And there is always the Oxford Dictionary that can explain some things. Don't get stuck on definitions at the top of the list, read it all before thinking someone else got it wrong. If you think that readers might misunderstand what you want to tell them, elaborate. As a writer, you have the power to shape language, not just use it.

Where does all this confusion originate? Some lies in the roots of the English language: A bit of German through the Angles, the Jutes, and the Saxons, a splattering of Scandinavian through the Vikings, and a dollop of French through the Normans; spice it all up with some learned Latin and Greek, and sprinkle with expressions from all over the British Empire and beyond. Language is a living thing, and therefore can't stagnate at any given point.

For you as a writer, that means you can make the most of it. You might disapprove of the use of kudo (I personally use kudos, which is a singular; the plural would be kudoi which doesn't exist, as kudos is a mass noun). You might think that viruses is the wrong plural for virus and should be viri (virus has no plural, either, as it is a mass noun again). Traps are waiting for you in every corner. If in doubt, read it up. If that doesn't resolve the quandary for you, replace the word or take a completely different approach and rephrase the whole sentence.

Sometimes, you can get out of the fix by using a longer description to say exactly what you want to say. If the use of virus doesn't adequately express the plurality you want to imply, you might go for 'several kinds of virus' or 'different strains of virus' depending on what the plural should describe. 

As if all this wasn't making life hard enough, you also have to contend with the vigilantes from the political correctness brigade. These people don't have a life of their own to live and therefore look to be offended on behalf of everyone else in the hope of getting noticed. Ignore them. They have no clue about language and think that if they replace the word tiger by pussy-cat that it will make a change in the reality of the tiger. I do believe that words can shape an event but within reason.

Obviously, you don't need to be unnecessarily offensive. But entirely innocent phrases will be construed as containing offense by the sickos looking out to make trouble for their betters. If you intend to be offensive, use citations from the Bible and the Quran, they are much more offensive than anything the Victorians dreamed up. If you don't know your Bible, you'll have a lot of reading to do; and there are the Biblical Apocrypha if you run out of invective, too.

What it all comes down to: Be your own man or woman or human when writing. And be prepared to take flak from all the political correctness trolls for what you write. As long as you shape the language to your story, nobody can take that from you.

Further reading
The Writer Checklist
The Apostrophe
Writing Pet Hates