Did you think that trolls are an invention of the internet age? They exist since humans first developed thought. The most vicious comments were written by writers about other writers. None of the net trolls so far has had that much style. And there is a trick to deal with these midgets, too.
There is a book available for any aspiring troll or anyone dealing with trolls. It’s a necessary guide on how to be truly insulting and on how to do it with style; I lost the net trolls already, I assume. Too many long words. You should read it, too, if you feel trolls have it in for you. You will see how harmless they really are.
'English has one million words; why confine yourself to six?' Virginia Woolf asked D.H. Lawrence. No net troll has the brains for such a comment. But I hope you appreciate the style in crabbiness. With a book presenting you with a collection of crabby, cutting, stylish, and well directed insults, even Trolls could attain a modicum of literacy.
Gary Dexter signs as editor to Poisoned Pens: Literary Invective from Amis to Zola. It was published by Frances Lincoln Limited. It covers just about anything from ancient classical authors to modern time cat fights. It is organized in chapters which don't necessarily need to be read in the presented order. If you have a preference for venomous Victorians, feel free to start there. The chapter also illuminates the reasons as to why contemporary writers loath each other's writing.
For the aspiring troll and troll fighter, the book gives invaluable examples. Oscar Wilde wrote about Meredith: 'As a writer he has mastered everything except language: as a novelist he can do everything except tell a story: as an artist he is everything except articulate.' That is what I call a well honed insult.
Take Jane Austen on the other hand as one of the most revered and enduring English authors. Mark Twain, the American writer, was so irritated by Austen that he wrote in one letter: 'Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and hit her over the skull with her own shin bone.' You might attribute this to cultural differences, but I for my part am able to enter into his feelings, I would like to do the same to both of them.
Maybe you prefer to stay with the gentle poets. Byron described Keats's work as 'neither poetry nor anything else but a Bedlam vision produced by raw pork and opium' and offered to skin the publisher alive. Shelley on the other hand described Byron’s work as 'mischievous insanity' brought on by Byron’s taste for 'bigoted and disgusting Italian women'.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book from cover to cover, and it reminded me of my own time at boarding school, when I summed up the writings of the Roman writer Curtius Rufus thus: 'His writing has the depth, the scope, the view, and the style of the Sun or the Star.' The writer was subsequently struck off the curriculum of first our boarding school and later all schools in the state.
I recommend this book especially to all new online writers. It is invaluable advice on how to deal with trolls: If a comment is not as well written as the one by Oscar Wilde, ignore it; if it is, take it as a compliment. And always keep this one thought close to your heart: They don't know you. They can't write about you. It follows that they write about themselves.
Great readiing this
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